Where is the love?

photo of baby breastfeeding

Photo by Cleyder Duque on Pexels.com

Could not help chuckling pleasingly when Camilla Parker-Bowles announced that she looks forward to hugging her grandchildren.

Good on her. I suppose it is easy to get to know the grandchildren when their parents actually involve the grandparents into the process, e.g. like

  • getting to know partners of children prior to marriage or conception of grandchildren
  • regular visits
  • communications that are meaningful
  • Family of grandchildren live a meaningful lifestyle and are responsible.

I hardly see any of my grandchildren. I have not met my daughter’s partners prior to them moving in together. I have not been involved in the process of decision-making, e.g. what is best for the child.

Nowadays the modern families change quickly, e.g. partners change, the family set-up is no longer the same as it was, but, people really need to communicate to keep family members up to speed, so that all know what is going on.

I would not even want to dictate what kind of a family my daughters want to form but it would be good to be kept informed and be involved.

I would want to see that my daughters make responsible decisions. Like

  • Have they got housing
  • Do they have an income
  • Are there plans to improve the quality of life and how
  • Do they raise their children positively
  • How safe is the relationship they are in? Do I approve of the partner?
  • Will they keep me up-to-date with developments e.g. pregnancy, childbirth, getting to know the grandchild.

Unfortunately I had non of this. Some of my grandchildren live in Wales and I am not allowed to see them because my daughter there is afraid I could get social services involved.

Some of my grandchildren live in Scotland but my daughter didn’t introduce me to her partner until the day she moved out. I then went to visit in Scotland and had to ring the council there because their whole communal backyard was filled with rubbish bags. I went to visit a couple of times but since then my daughter split up with her partner and now replaced him with a snake and a dog.

I hardly get to see the kids. They do not contact me via Facetime or any other form of chatting to talk and get to know each other.

Some of my grandchildren live in London and I have not even known that my daughter decided to break up with the partner of her first son. My daughter then gotten into deep trouble with domestic violence with another partner. The latest new partner I did meet occasionally but he has changed beyound recognition since I first met him. He used to wear neat suits and looked like he jumped straight out of a dressmaker’s window. Now he wears tracksuits and sports a liberal beard.

I had not met my newer granddaughter till my daughter suddenly announced they are coming round for Christmas and of course they expected presents.

I made everything nice but the grandchild was very much afraid of me because she had never met me. The last time I met her she only spoke to me when I asked her what gifts she wanted for Christmas.

Otherwise I received abusive and threatening phonecalls from my daughter.

From that I can deduct that breastfeeding and not smacking children doesn’t make them more sensible. My youngest daughter is the only child I breastfed for a long period of time and one of my children, which I never smacked. Yet, I get insulting phonecalls.

I think the concept of grandparent needs some involvement so that everybody is on the same page. Grandparents are not just gift suspenders whenever people think they would want to come round to collect them.

I think that grandparents should means-test their gifting. And not just give because somebody has a grandparents on a birth certificate somewhere.

 

 

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