never grateful

Just watching some British classics. Here in the Great Expectations 2012, the story line sounds: “Why is it that the young are never grateful”, could be answered with an attitude by the actress in “Educating Rita” who doesn’t want to get pregnant because of an expectation but because she wants to choose it.

But when I chose to have children, I did not have the essential securities needed to make a totally free choice. Free choices need to be made not out of need but out of choice with several choices being available. Most of us do not have that freedom to make totally free choices. We always either have an economic or other essential need.

Only those with too much money, can actually make real choices.

Children probably are never grateful because they feel pressured into compliance. But compliance is necessary to get the necessary survival skills to make something out of life, to contribute towards society and become useful. Children can develop that ‘never really satisfied unless you give me what I want attitude’ just to get more out of adults.

I am proud to say, – though pride is actually never a good thing -, that I enabled my children to get on in life.

Unfortunately for all of us – within this family – my children have decided they are now so independent that they no longer need to communicate on equal terms.

My grown up children are all on my naughty list this year, but then they can go to Tesco, who do not have a naughty list, instead of coming round mine.

I just find it intolerable that my sons think they can come round mine whenever it suits them but they do not even give me their address, so that I could visit them. I actually only know the address of 2 of my grown up children and one doesn’t communicate much and the other was quite abusive.

So the lock-down reallly doesn’t bother me. I told my grown up kids not to come around because they are so independent, they don’t even find it necessary to tell me their addresses or have been – in one case – quite abusive.

I wonder whether it’s only in films, which are about families with lots of property where people keep in touch after reaching adulthood. Where kids can inherit, they are probably more inclined to stay on friendly terms.

Indeed in my own – Germany based family – people keep in touch because they share property ownership or have business together. My uncle’s carpentry business was handed down the generation since 100s of years.

Paul McCartney’s interview with Idris Elba also was a nice revelation, who fondly remembers the great relationship he had with his dad, who taught him music.

In large cities, where kids grow up in micro households with nothing to own, they do not feel a need to stay in touch with parents after they grown up. Kids who grow up in small homes with little space to be creative will not get such strong bonds to their families.

Perhaps that is something to think about.

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