Joan ‘arc a mitigation disaster

After watching the Joan d’Arc film, my mind went into overdrive, analysing the situation from my point of view.

Joan d’Arc was clearly a forerunner for women’s lib and the freedom of women to behave in a non-sexist manner. Interestingly the British defend that right to the hilt.

At the time when France was under British rule, during the 100 year’s war, Britain tried to calm the situation by bribing the French King and I suppose also the Catholic leaders of the area in particular Pierre Cauchon in 1431.

Perhaps also the Catholic Cauchon tried to consolidate their situation and unite all present, French and British alike under Catholic faith, by sentencing Joan d’Arc to death and burning her as witch; The classic punishment of the day. This simplistic public entertainment didn’t impress all.

How wrong could the the Catholic church be as not long after the British denounced the Catholic religion completely and gotten rid of it in 1536 under Henry VIII

The Pope realised that mistake in 1456.

As an act of preserving Catholic supremacy over the situation after all, Joan d’Arc was canonised in 1920. During the French revolution previously the French beheaded English aristocrates, as a sort of delayed reaction.

The new phase

Just watching Joan d’Arc and the mother said that she thought she knew her children when she brought them up but now she is surprised.

That is what probably happens to most parents. How close relationships remain is up to the dialogue that parents and children can develop.

Whilst I think of dialogue, I think everybody needs to support the new direction of Britain being out of the EU. I get Government up-dates each day and the more I read them the more I am getting convinced that all, even if they opposed leaving the EU, now have to support the new direction.

Read Michael Gove’s Outside the EU, a bright future awaits Britain, published by the Cabinet Office on 12. July 2020.

We need to make our best effort to contribute. We need to support what is there and the way the government leads us is what we need to support.

For me as immigrant from Germany, the thought of leaving the EU was unthinkable, but then I am not very familiar with the ins and outs of daily wheeling and dealing in economic or political terms. We have to trust the government and support it.

 

Morals as fashion item

Morals really are the fashion of the times and rules of ‘acceptable’ morals are usually set by the ruling classes.

For centuries morals were dictated by biblical terms. The permanent marriage between man and woman were promoted by Christians and Muslims.

The inability to fit in with the requirements to marry and have kids and stay in that relationship for live brought on many social complications. Those fancying the same sex partners for example or those needing gender changes because somebody important wanted them in another role rather than their traditional marriage commitments.

It’s often not quite apparent that the ruling classes make the rules. At the moment Western society moves away from fixed matrimony. Because top-society people feel better in equal relationships all our laws are now changing towards equality all around.

Women can now have kids and work. That of course gives men a much better chance to pick new partners and change more often.

In the past, when women were tied to their homes, men found it harder to get good quality new partners. They either had the marital sex or had to look for paid for girls. But now, when they have a big playing field in the work-place to choose from, that latter option becomes more obsolete, though not completely unimportant.

And the desire for changing partners is not just led by men, woman are also supporting that option.

I just don’t understand why women find that necessarily ideal.

Heinz-soldierLooking at my own dad. He was the kind of guy who liked women but he liked the feeble, nimble and pretty type. He didn’t like the child-bearing obligations a lot. The detective Lauri, in the Deadwind series I am currently watching on Netflix, reminds me of my dad a lot, they even look very similar. My dad was a very good-looking guy.

Unfortunately for him, he was sent to Norway by the Nazis and had to work with heavy water and that kind of messed up his sperm. There is almost nothing more embarassing in Britain today than having a relative who once wore a Nazi uniform. Just realise my dad’s dog looks a bit like the pooch that the detective, played by Neil Dudgeon , in Midsommer Murders has.

But also the relationship that Karppi has with her son, whose become a bully at school and Karppi, telling him that she will always support him. There I am doubting how far that support can go as with detectives, they naturally need to keep the law. Lauri broke off his relationship to his drug-addicted girlfriend because he could not have had a friend with drugs staying at his flat.

Lauri says he never wants to be a father to a child but now has become a father but he also kissed Karppi with the two children.

Men are sometimes mixed up about relationships and obligations.

So women now can decide to have abortions. I have had two myself because at the time I thought that the quality of life those two babies would have had was too low as they were conceived on the move. I had moved out from home, was couch surving and not fixed for a career. I wanted to be married at least and that’s what I did. Actually I did not want to have children at all at first.

So now we come again to family allegiance. And this law and order hinge makes a good case of how much allegiance you actually can and should have to your family, if they for example are breaking the law. Would it not destroy your life if you supported family members, just because you were born in a crime family?

Equally family secrets can totally mess a person up. My advice is don’t have them, so nobody can blackmail you.

If you support your kids when they do wrong, it does not help them to see the error of their ways. They get encouraged more in their wrong-doing than to do the right thing.

 

 

compulsive control disorder

agriculture animals baby blur

Photo by Trinity Kubassek on Pexels.com

They should introduce a new classification of mental conditions, the Compulsive Control Disorder. That is the best way to describe how people use media to control others or enjoy being controlled by others by the same means.

Seeing how much time people spend on processing information and on the phone or social media, it has to be concluded that this time results in mind control over the people involved.

Every hour I spend watching the TV, the more time do I let others control how to think.

A simple example is the latest advertising about going on holidays again after the lock-down. They are selling this to us as having the freedom to go on holiday.

Yet, if you look at the basic structure of a holiday, it seems you spend a lot of money on 2 weeks. Some people get into debt just to go on that holiday.

I would find it much more distressing that I spend money on 2 weeks of sitting around elsewhere and calculating the cost of this rather than not going on holiday and paying off my debts instead and spending 2 weeks in my local park on a bench.

How many hours do young people spend on the phone just talking to each other. In fact, they control each other. Each person involved in that conversation is not able to spend the time constructively like learning for better grades or doing some research how to better their live.

You could say but they are building relationships. But do teenagers really need to build relationships? It would only be beneficial if that relationship actually leads to definite improvements and not just emotional exploitation over one another.

Christmas is something, we are all exposed to. The advertising is so strong that almost everybody gets drawn into this. But, the only people laughing at Christmas are those who make a lot of money from it and can relax counting their cash.

A lot of people are unable to do something for themselves and are not even able to understand their emotions. Personal insecurity leads people to wanting control from somebody. Is that why so many break the law, knowing they end up in a prison?

Religions are a great example. Somebody has the idea to invent a super-national being. We can easily transfer all our own emotions into dedication towards that illusion. This concept has existed since people can communicate, super-natural Gods have been around for as long as humanity exists.

People’s thinking, habits, emotions, are channelled into controlled events, so that people can be better controlled.

Of course our very nature dictates ability and requirements. But always remember humans are not sheep.

 

Clumsy mistakes

Noone can accuse the British for ousting people for clumsy mistakes. We have accepted all horroundes mistakes that Boris Johnson made, from the letterbox ladies to the Care homes. Yet Harpers is an American publication and published a letter about censorship and Freedom of Speech.

During my time at the High Court, I suffered the most horrendous online bullying, being called names and people generally very negative with swearwords woven in.

Now I find myself warned by Facebook if I say something that offends somebody there and they threaten you with expulsion if you say something as hateful as that again.

I re-posted an optical trick illusion – it was clearly marked as such – Facebook deleted the video saying it was not realistic.

Taken censorship to that breadth and width is overdoing things a lot.

Perhaps, now in hindsight, I would not bring the libel action again on the strength of radicals posting over-radicalised stuff, just to make their case and impress the Anarchists, I would just argue as I did in a recent posting, that people who do not like education come up with all kinds of tricks to make educators look silly.

But also perhaps I had suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and the trauma of what had happened to me, even though a very long time ago – was still firmly wedged within my psyche. It helped me to get over it though.

The over-anxious police actions like they recently happened to Olympian Bianca Williams are a sign of the time.  This kind of stuff happened in Germany during the 70s everywhere, its just that they didn’t search you, they locked you up for months. I wouldn’t attribute that to racism, they are generally freaked out about the fact that they lost control over some crimes.

I went to Lidl yesterday and wondered why the queue at the self-checkout was non existant when normally most people queue there. I attribute that to the fact that they sold knives only available at the cashier.

 

 

I’m beating Uri Geller

argos potMy brain power is now so big that a new stainless steel pot I recently purchased has actually split in half. Just to make a joke.  Definitely beats Uri Geller’s spoon bending.

You can clearly see the gap where the pot has split. Will be back to Argos today.

the young people of tomorrow

protest-bannerTower Hamlets is doing its best to close down public services like schooling for children. There are various applications in the council to close and amalgamate schools.

A recent TV report claimed that Tower Hamlets moves homeless families up north but that the councils there do not get informed of the new arrivals. So if they don’t know how can they make enough school provision?

Incidentally when my daughter had been homeless – because her violent partner had smashed up her flat – we went to Westminster and Chelsea council and they said they send their homeless to Tower Hamlets.

Moving on is the motto these days. The poor working classes are moved on relentless and getting a secure tenancy is like gold dust.

Children will become much more flexible in their approach because they need to take in that education whilst they get it. When I was young we used to have the same teachers in the same schools for life but now it’s constantly new teachers and constantly moving on.

People are strongly discouraged now to have kids whilst on benefits but only a few decades ago, women were encouraged to stay at home and have kids.

Those kids born in the 80s needed a lot of schools. Now, with benefits being cut and employment encouraged for all genders, the amount of schools needed is reduced.

But with the large increase of an older population, who is going to keep the country going if not the young people of tomorrow?

I think this government is playing with this country as every country needs a strong younger generation to carry the flag.

Whilst people with jobs like Boris Johnson can father various children with various women, those on low incomes can hardly afford one child. But then if a richer guy fathers various children with different women, the sheer amount of maintenance will reduce the quality of life for all of them.

I know because one of my daughters has two children with a guy who also has two other women who have his children.

Those changes in the set-up of standards will greatly affect the nation. On one hand, we’ve got the Royal Family cast in stone. Permanent marriages with permanent partners and on the other hand we got – the Prime Minister included – the folks who constantly change partners and have kids with whoever they meet.

On top of that are children borne from surrogacies.

For a grandparent like myself, that priviledge now only exists on paper because with constantly changing relationships the amount of various children from various partners all make a great big mix, which I did not sign up for and I doubt that most grandparents can afford to maintain gifts to all those extended families over a long period of time.

 

No gift horse

I’m going to stop the series on grandparents and grandchildren now because it has exhausted itself.

The simple rule is that if children want to stay in touch, then they do but if they do not want to stay in touch then they don’t.

I don’t think there is any point in asking for access as relationships of that nature have to be consensual and friendly with plenty of good will.

Children already have to cope with relationship changes of their parents; having to deal with all the grandparents is a chore.

I think it is up to the parents to explain to their kids why they do not see their grandparents. Nans and Paps really do have plenty to do with their lives in any case and I am certain most would love to support their children and grandchildren.

Yet in today’s society, whereby legal responsibility stops age 18 and people no longer live together in large family homes the old idea of the family down the generations doesn’t continue for everybody.

Of course in institutions like the Royal Family, the connection is a must and almost part of the job. The people in the community don’t have that obligation.

It would be more damaging for kids if they just get gifts from somebody far away, that they never meet, I think. I suppose the question of continued relations has become a point for many grandparents and it is the choice of the younger generation if they want to lose touch. Good luck to them.

 

 

Where is the love?

photo of baby breastfeeding

Photo by Cleyder Duque on Pexels.com

Could not help chuckling pleasingly when Camilla Parker-Bowles announced that she looks forward to hugging her grandchildren.

Good on her. I suppose it is easy to get to know the grandchildren when their parents actually involve the grandparents into the process, e.g. like

  • getting to know partners of children prior to marriage or conception of grandchildren
  • regular visits
  • communications that are meaningful
  • Family of grandchildren live a meaningful lifestyle and are responsible.

I hardly see any of my grandchildren. I have not met my daughter’s partners prior to them moving in together. I have not been involved in the process of decision-making, e.g. what is best for the child.

Nowadays the modern families change quickly, e.g. partners change, the family set-up is no longer the same as it was, but, people really need to communicate to keep family members up to speed, so that all know what is going on.

I would not even want to dictate what kind of a family my daughters want to form but it would be good to be kept informed and be involved.

I would want to see that my daughters make responsible decisions. Like

  • Have they got housing
  • Do they have an income
  • Are there plans to improve the quality of life and how
  • Do they raise their children positively
  • How safe is the relationship they are in? Do I approve of the partner?
  • Will they keep me up-to-date with developments e.g. pregnancy, childbirth, getting to know the grandchild.

Unfortunately I had non of this. Some of my grandchildren live in Wales and I am not allowed to see them because my daughter there is afraid I could get social services involved.

Some of my grandchildren live in Scotland but my daughter didn’t introduce me to her partner until the day she moved out. I then went to visit in Scotland and had to ring the council there because their whole communal backyard was filled with rubbish bags. I went to visit a couple of times but since then my daughter split up with her partner and now replaced him with a snake and a dog.

I hardly get to see the kids. They do not contact me via Facetime or any other form of chatting to talk and get to know each other.

Some of my grandchildren live in London and I have not even known that my daughter decided to break up with the partner of her first son. My daughter then gotten into deep trouble with domestic violence with another partner. The latest new partner I did meet occasionally but he has changed beyound recognition since I first met him. He used to wear neat suits and looked like he jumped straight out of a dressmaker’s window. Now he wears tracksuits and sports a liberal beard.

I had not met my newer granddaughter till my daughter suddenly announced they are coming round for Christmas and of course they expected presents.

I made everything nice but the grandchild was very much afraid of me because she had never met me. The last time I met her she only spoke to me when I asked her what gifts she wanted for Christmas.

Otherwise I received abusive and threatening phonecalls from my daughter.

From that I can deduct that breastfeeding and not smacking children doesn’t make them more sensible. My youngest daughter is the only child I breastfed for a long period of time and one of my children, which I never smacked. Yet, I get insulting phonecalls.

I think the concept of grandparent needs some involvement so that everybody is on the same page. Grandparents are not just gift suspenders whenever people think they would want to come round to collect them.

I think that grandparents should means-test their gifting. And not just give because somebody has a grandparents on a birth certificate somewhere.

 

 

Education v. Emotion

I finally cracked the mystery of my life. Since I’ve received by first death threat, I am reminiscent of the history of events that led to this point.

If you look through this blog, I’d received a fair amount of banter and sheer bullying abuse from people over the years but never a death threat.

I received abuse over remarks I made to  family members about improving ones chances in life with extra education and re-doing GCSE and A-levels would improve employment prospects. Another remark that a grandchild of mine would be better off with his dad then culminated in an actual death threat. Yes, I reported that to police and gotten a crime number. I do not tolerate any type of threatening behaviour from anyone and especially not from family members or my own children.

As soon as I had become a LEA school governor people started to dig out dirt, wrote about an ancient arrest in the 70s in Germany. It’s all been recorded in this blog.

Yet, it is explained in the simple fact that as soon as serious education comes into play people suddenly start to react over-emotional.

Some questions I needed to answer for myself were:

  1. why didn’t I attend university when it was free of charge in Germany
  2. why did I get married to a man I hardly knew

Those are the most important questions and I shall answer them.

To 1. It is a very long story. I did not attend university and dropped out of education because the events in my family, which happened whilst I was young, were so disturbing that it led to my temporary downfall and demise.

The case is that when I was 7 I suddenly started to develop scoliosis and it went very badly quite rapidly. Thanks to my father’s private medical insurance I received intense treatment, which then eventually culminated in 2 operatoins when I was age 14 to straighten my spine.

Prior to that my mother – who worked as a telephonist at the local hospital in Wuerzburg – had become an alcoholic. She attempted suicide several times and at one occasion I found her hanging on the living room cupboard upon my return from school. All this was enough to send me over the edge and I started to attend local discos and my learning started to suffer.

I had excellent grades in Elementary school and was top of the class, I had become champion in mental arithmetic but then when my mother started drinking, I dropped out of the results and had to repeat a year because I went to a grammar school teaching business and economics. My results there weren’t fantastic and I lost my desire to educate further.

Though I eventually started Higher Education in an Engineering College in Cologne as the only woman there. But without any emotional or financial support from my family I soon fell off the planned track.

My family was a mystery to me. Nobody seemed to talk to each other, there was little emotion and no loving atmosphere. My mother finally apparently committed suicide. On an evening when both my father and my sister and I went out, my mother went to the local River Main in Wuerzburg and she was found drowned the next day.

For years and years I never understood why my mother, who was always very caring friendly and totally rational suddenly went over the edge and became an alcoholic and why my sister seemed so distant and my father so very cold. Understand this happened in the 60s.

Just prior to my fathers death – I already had been in London since 1977 – I learned that my sister actually had a sexual relationship with my father. She admitted it to me personally when I went to Wuerzburg for my dad’s funeral. My sister refused to attend the funeral because my step-mother attended but she came to see me the next morning and I asked her straight up and she admitted having had an affair with my father. My only explanation is that this is the reason why my mother started to drink because she found out about this.

It is more than unfortunate that this had not been reported to the police at the time and if it was I wasn’t told about it.

We had lived in a house in Wuerzburg in the second floor and my sister moved out of the home and gotten a flat in the fourth floor of the same house. My sister called me a cripple because of my scoliosis and told me never to have children. My sister is still alive today but we have no contact. I sent her a Christmas Card a few years ago and it was returned by the Post Office marked refused.

Over the years my sister treated me like dirt because I married the man I had my children with and she attacked me for having had those children and refused to support me in any way whatsoever.

That brings me to point 2. why I got married to the man I didn’t know.

I was in an emotional volative state of mind. I lived in Cologne, attended school and had a part-time job at the Otto Versand but emotionally I was a wreck. All those unexplained emotionally shocking events in my past, the lack of family support drove me to act irrationally.

I met a man who said he was working for the famous writer Guenther Wallraff and the man asked me whether I could help him type a book for the author. I said I could do it but would not be able to it in my flat but suggested we go to London instead for a few days as I knew a friend there. Suddenly there were money problems and I agreed to take out a loan to bridge costs. You know where this is going. Once in London the guy disappeared, the 3.000 Deutsch mark disappeared and I was crushed, ruined and totally fed up. Apparently Guenther Wallraff was interviewed by police about this but he said he had nothing to do with this whatsoever.

The guy who apparently took my money and disappeared with it was later found dead and a murder investigation ensued. The police was dealing with this and I was greateful that Deutsche Bank let me off from having to repay that 3.000 Deutsch mark loan.

However I was completely paralysed by yet another strange occurance in my life. Whilst I had the flat in Cologne waiting for me, I just could not bring myself to go back. I met my husband in a pub and fell head over heel in love. I had found a job at the BBC German service but had nowhere to live in London.

Longfellow-party

Street pary in Longfellow Road, I lived at no 36 for some time until the whole road gotten torn down and I became a council tenant.

My husband was squatting in the famous Longfellow Road and I thought that was very romantic. Literally my brain completely stopped working, probably because of the sudden hormone over-drive I found myself in.

I insisted on getting married and had no bigger wish than having children with the man I loved. There now followed 15 years of hardship and poverty. I spent my later inheritance before I even got it but repaid all my debts once the inheritance arrived from Germany.

Now five children later I actually also have around 10 grandchildren. I have no contact with many of them. All those grandchildren were born by my daughters, my sons, went on to get jobs and approached life in a more rational manner.

Whilst I raised my kids I bought them a lot of books because I loved books. As a child I read hundreds of books. I opened up my own private library as the school didn’t have one. I borrowed books to poorer pupils who could not afford them.

Unfortunately my husband turned out to be the uneducated type. In fact he had no interest in education or reading whatsoever. That was one major contributing factor to me getting a divorce eventually. We had many arguments over life-style choices and attitutes.

The only achievement he had was being an extra in the film Fightclub. He worked as volunteer in his later years up to his death from cancer. He was never violent towards me and for that I am thankful. He probably only married me because I worked for the BBC and he loved films.

I have had 3 daughters and 2 sons from that marriage. I became naturalised and eventually a British Citizen. There was no support from my German family and especially not from my sister. My father sent birthday and Christmas cards and visited a couple of times and that was it. The rest of my family didn’t want to know.

I eventually took my sons to meet my German cousin in the remote village he lives in in Unterfranken a few years ago, so just that my sons know where I come from.

I have become completely estranged to my daughters now. All of them decided to bunk off school in the latter stages of their education and follow their father’s life philosophy. My daughters mixed up with partners but I had no say in their choices.

My second oldest daughter was born with a severe learning disability, which was – in my opinion – due to negligence during the home birth assistance. Her brain was starved of oxygen as the birth was delayed due to a sleeping pill I had been given by the midwife. Instead of delivering the baby late at night.

Unfortunately she was never given a statement of special educational needs and so her learning disabilty was never formally diagnosed until she finished with secondary education. She was found to have a mental age of a 9 year old and an IQ of 64. She never understood the purpose of education and schools just ignored her needs. I went to lawyers about this but legal action was denied as viable by a barrister because no statement of special educational needs was ever issued.

Yet this undiagnosed learning disability caused the whole family enormous problems.

I needed to care for her and worked from home for years, even starting my own company.

Nowadays children are much better off, they get Statements of Special Educational needs and lots of extra support but we had to do without.

My daughter with the learning disability was being abused by some men in the 90s without my knowledge but the police could not prosecute because of her own thinking that her abusers were her best friends. Anyhow the Director of Public Prosecution refused to prosecute the case. Of course an abused woman with a mental age of 9 would believe her abusers and think they are her best friends.

I think what people need to realise is that improving education is always the way forward. There is no good reason to attack people and especially not me for suggesting it.

I think emotional involvement often leads to distortion of facts and people just do not see the reality of the situation any longer. That now applies especially to one of my daughters who – I believe – threatened me. That matter is with the police.

Whilst I raised my children we had to live – at some point with 7 people in a 2-bedroom council flat – but that should not have led to people losing faith.

I now care for my granddaughter who has excellent grades and wants to go to university. She is good at sport and has a totally different attitude to life. She has lived with me whilst my other children moved away and so she is not exposed to the muddled way of thinking that some of my daughters adopted.

Literally these days, to make it in life, kids really need to focus on education, push away all other influences that hinder a university degree. I am now more than willing to support that.

I don’t believe that keeping secrets helps anybody. Abuse and emtional turmoil always comes to haunt those who were exposed to it and so it is that I publish the facts about  me coming to Britain and how my life here went so far.

I think that everybody should have ambitions and dreams and do their best to fulfill them. Making things better in life is one of the reasons we all live and get on.

If you read through this story and arrived at this, you will be pleased to know that I am going to be 69 years of age this year and that I despise all those who generally accuse older people of suffering from dementia or Alzheimers and having a loss of mental capacity. Older people have a lot of wisdom to give and younger people are better off listening to it.

 

 

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